Paraphrasing Task

Practice 1 in Advance Writing Class

PRACTICE 1

Read this following paragraph carefully.

1.    RAILWAY MANIAS

In 1830 there were a few dozen miles of railways in all the world – chiefly consisting of the line from Liverpool to Manchester. By 1840 there were over 4,500 miles, by 1850 over 23,500. Most of them were projected in a few bursts of speculative frenzy known as the ‘railway manias’ of 1835–7 and especially in 1844–7; most of them were built in large part with British capital, British iron, machines and know-how. These investment booms appear irrational, because in fact few railways were much more profitable to the investor than other forms of enterprise, most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all: in 1855 the average interest on capital sunk in the British railways was a mere 3.7 per cent.

     Topic: Railway Manias

     Controlling idea: Railway Project

     Main idea: In 1830 there were a few dozen miles of railways in all the world – chiefly consisting of the line from Liverpool to Manchester

2.    Now look at these following paragraphs. Analyze each paragraph and choose which are acceptable and which are plagiarized.

(a) Between 1830 and 1850 there was very rapid development in railway construction worldwide. Two periods of especially feverish growth were 1835–7 and 1844–7. It is hard to understand the reason for this intense activity, since railways were not particularly profitable investments and some produced no return at all. (Hobsbawm, 1995: 45)

     #Plagiarized: Because the information its different with the original, in here it said "were not particularly profitable and some produce no return at all" and the original said that "were much more profitable and most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all"

(b) There were only a few dozen miles of railways in 1830, including the Liverpool to Manchester line. But by 1840 there were over 4,500 miles and over 23,500 by 1850. Most of them were built in large part with British capital, British iron, machines and know-how, and most of them were projected in a few bursts of speculative frenzy known as the ‘railway manias’ of 1835–7 and especially in 1844–7. Because most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all these investment booms appear irrational. In fact few railways were much more profitable to the investor than other forms of enterprise. (Hobsbawm, 1995: 45)

     #Plagiarized : Its quite similar with the original, there is no new idea from it and it just change a few word into own word

 (c) As Hobsbawm (1995) argues, nineteenth-century railway mania was partly irrational: ‘because in fact few railways were much more profitable to the investor than other forms of enterprise, most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all: in 1855 the average interest on capital sunk in the British railways was a mere 3.7 per cent.’ (Hobsbawm, 1995: 45)

     #Plagiarized : It cannot mention the source (Hobsbawm, 1995:45) two times, you can only choose one whether you put it on first sentence or last sentence

(d) Globally, railway networks increased dramatically from 1830 to 1850; the majority in short periods of ‘mania’ (1835–7 and 1844–7). British technology and capital were responsible for much of this growth, yet the returns on the investment were hardly any better than comparable business opportunities. (Hobsbawm, 1895: 45)

     Plagiarized : Wrong date at the source, it should be (Hobsbawm, 1995: 45), not (Hobsbawm, 1895: 45)

 (e) The dramatic growth of railways between 1830 and 1850 was largely achieved using British technology. However, it has been claimed that much of this development was irrational because few railways were much more profitable to the investor than other forms of enterprise; most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all.

    #Plagiarized : The only good reason why its plagiarized because it not mention  from where this original statement come from or not mention the source(Hobsbawm, 1995)

3. Now read these paragraphs below carefully.

a.  "The Antarctic is the vast source of cold on our planet, just as the sun is the source of our heat, and it exerts tremendous control on our climate," [Jacques] Cousteau told the camera. "The cold ocean water around Antarctica flows north to mix with warmer water from the tropics, and its upwellings help to cool both the surface water and our atmosphere. Yet the fragility of this regulating system is now threatened by human activity." From "Captain Cousteau," Audubon (May 1990):17.
Paraphrase: 

#According to Audubon (1990) from Captain Cousteau, the cold ocean water from Antarctic who mix with warmer water form the tropics can help to cool the surface water and the atmosphere in our earth, but now some people in this earth destroy this regulating system slowly

b. The twenties were the years when drinking was against the law, and the law was a bad joke because everyone knew of a local bar where liquor could be had. They were the years when organized crime ruled the cities, and the police seemed powerless to do anything against it. Classical music was forgotten while jazz spread throughout the land, and men like Bix Beiderbecke, Louis Armstrong, and Count Basie became the heroes of the young. The flapper was born in the twenties, and with her bobbed hair and short skirts, she symbolized, perhaps more than anyone or anything else, America's break with the past. From Kathleen Yancey, English 102 Supplemental Guide (1989): 25.
Paraphrase: 

#In America at 20's century drinking becoming legal slowly for sure because the law at that time is so weak, where you can find a liquor on any local bar easily. America also makes a new history in this century, where Jazz music became popular and Americans start to do something new and make a new trend at that time. (From Kathleen Yancey, English 102 Supplemental Guide 1989:25)

c. Of the more than 1000 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of those killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the risk of head injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbs the shock and cushions the head. From "Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports (May 1990): 348.
Paraphrase: 

#Wearing a bike helmet while bicycling can reduces the risk of head injury up to 85 percent, especially for children. Because from more than 1000 bicycling death each year three-fourths of them cause by head injuries. Consumer Reports (1990: 348)

d. Matisse is the best painter ever at putting the viewer at the scene. He's the most realistic of all modern artists, if you admit the feel of the breeze as necessary to a landscape and the smell of oranges as essential to a still life. "The Casbah Gate" depicts the well-known gateway Bab el Aassa, which pierces the southern wall of the city near the sultan's palace. With scrubby coats of ivory, aqua, blue, and rose delicately fenced by the liveliest gray outline in art history, Matisse gets the essence of a Tangier afternoon, including the subtle presence of the bowaab, the sentry who sits and surveys those who pass through the gate. From Peter Plagens, "Bright Lights." Newsweek (26 March 1990): 50.
Paraphrase: 

#Matisse is a genius at painting especially in realistic art. In his every painting always contain an object painting with a match coloring style that can represent a meaningful sense from his art. (From Bright Lights by Peter Plagens, 1990:50)

e. While the Sears Tower is arguably the greatest achievement in skyscraper engineering so far, it's unlikely that architects and engineers have abandoned the quest for the world's tallest building. The question is: Just how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has designed a skyscraper nearly one-half mile high, twice as tall as the Sears Tower. And architect Robert Sobel claims that existing technology could produce a 500-story building. From Ron Bachman, "Reaching for the Sky." Dial (May 1990): 15.
Paraphrase: 

#Wiliam LeMessurier has designed a skyscraper that has high twice from Sears Tower which is the tallest building for now. His designed is supporting by an Architect Rbert Sobel who claims that nowaday technology could make it hsppen. (From Reaching for the Sky by Ron Bachman, 1990:15)

4. Read this paragraph below.

a. For many people across Europe, the introduction of the Euro has lead to price rises in many everyday goods.

Write the paraphrase: 

#Introducing the Euro to people who across Europe to avoid price rises in everyday goods

b. Women have traditionally been seen as mothers and home makers and it is only in recent years that they have been making significant inroads into the job market. There is still a long way to go before they achieve complete equality with men but the situation has definitely improved.
Write the paraphrase: 

#In nowadays, Women not only can work as mother or home makers. They can also join into job market as they want even they cant achieve a complete equality with men but its better than past.

c. In the 1920s, an American academic, Elton Mayo, researched the effects of the physical environment on the productivity of workers. The result, known as the Hawthorne Studies, named after the electrics company where it took place, showed that workers could be motivated to work harder by making small changes to the workplace, such as altering the lighting or the layout of a room.

Write the paraphrase: 

#According to a research in Hawthorne Studies, it said that workers can be motivated to work more harder by making small changes to the workplace. (Elton Mayo, 1920)

##Ahmad Rizaldi Zahir##

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